Very few people in the local scene don't have at least a friend or two without one of these. It can hamper your life, cost you a ton of cash, and make your work life and your nightlife virtually impossible without becoming a charity case to your friends and family. Whether it's a (.08) from one beer too many or a (.25) which could probably kill a midget, an expensive world of inconvenience is on its way. I am of course talking about a (drum roll) “DUI”.
So you’re out having a good time and you've had a few drinks. Now it's time to go and you feel more or less of sound mind. You hop behind the wheel; now you’re driving along trying to keep it together and you see them in your rear view mirror. The lights on top appear like a sharks fin out of water. Then the red and blues flip on; you get that sinking feeling and begin to realize what a great idea taking a cab would have been and perhaps those last two “Patron shots”....well, maybe not your best idea to date. You pull to the side of the road, roll down the window and wait for the inevitable.
When you’re pulled out of the car for a suspected DUI, you can expect to be put through a series of special tests. Typically they begin with a divided attention test; your standard ‘stand on one foot and touch your nose’ routine or ‘walk in a straight line one foot in front of the other’ exercise. The examiner (a.k.a. COP) looks for seven indicators of impairment while testing: if the suspect (YOU) cannot keep balance while listening to the instructions, begins before the instructions are finished, stops while walking to regain balance, does not touch heel-to-toe, uses arms to balance, loses balance while turning, or takes an incorrect number of steps, the suspect is then deemed to have had too much to drink. NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Association) research indicates that 68 percent of individuals who exhibit two or more indicators in the performance of the test will have a B.A.C. (Blood Alcohol Content) of (.10) or greater. (nhtsa.dot.gov)
The next common test is the 'nystagmus' (a fancy word for involuntary eye movement) test. That's the one where you are instructed to follow the light, finger or other wand of incrimination using only your eyes. The “filth” will look for these indicators of intoxication: (1) Lack of smooth pursuit, (2) Distinct nystagmus at maximum deviation, (3) Onset of nystagmus prior to 45 degrees; always checking for clues at least twice in each eye. Basic rule of thumb here, the more bounce the more you’ve had to drink. This test is considered one of the most inaccurate being how most officers misread it; it's also the most arguable in court. Additionally, this bouncing can be caused by a slew of other health conditions that have nothing to do with how much you've had to drink. Caffeine and nicotine can induce nystagmus as well.
And finally THE BREATHALIZER! Inhale deep, breathe hard into a tube and prepare to get cuffed. Now I've tried everything I could in this situation, breathing lightly, pretending to breathe hard, it doesn't matter. This is what DOES matter; you don't have to take this test. If your case does end up in court, not having taken this test will not incriminate you. In fact, you don't have to take any of the above described tests. However, if you refuse, you will most likely take a ride to the station in the backseat of a cop car and get your car towed at your expense. But hey, it's your choice. If you suspect your B.A.C. to be just around (.08) I would opt for skipping the breathalyzer to buy yourself more time until the blood test normally conducted at the station. Once arriving at the station you will be asked to take either the blood or the urine test. Just a tip though, the person who takes your blood isn't as nice as your school nurse. She jabbed that needle spear into my arm like I owed her money. Sometimes the actual blood test results come out a point or two below the breathalyzer test; that could make all the difference in the world. Finally you get processed, fingerprinted, a mug shot taken, herded into cell with other criminals and fellow drunks and wait to make your one phone call. They do release you when someone comes to pick you up. The whole process usually takes a few hours and your car can be picked up from the impound yard right away.
Please Rise! Next up is the arraignment. You already know you can plead innocent or you can plead guilty. Chances are if you didn't resist the arrest, puke on the cop, or fall flat on your face while being tested; you can plead guilty and opt for the minimum legal sentence in California. If you plead innocent you’ll probably need a lawyer; however, there is that small chance that you could win the case and get off with $3,000-$6,000 less in your account. The good news is your insurance won’t go up and nothing will appear on your record. On the flipside there are the rest of us who can't afford a lawyer, so we're guilty by default. Sure you can settle for a court appointed attorney, but if your B.A.C was over (.08) there's not much they can do.
Congratulations, tell them what they've won Johnny!
At a MINIMUM you will receive the following:
- $1550 in fees which you can pay all at once or in $100 increments every month, or work it off for 50 hours of community service;
- Attend a 3-month level 1 first time offender alcohol program which will cost you $500;
- Have your license suspended for six months with the added bonus of informal probation for 3 years. Yaaaaay!!!
So that's what you get if you get caught and convicted. Now that you know how much it sucks to get a DUI, there are many things you can do to prevent this horrific experience or at least extremely irritating fate from befalling you. There are taxis and limos; a $15 cab ride is a lot more affordable than a $1500 fine.
Another good way of staying out of trouble is simply knowing your limit. Buy a personal breathalyzer and test yourself. Bring it with you to a club and test yourself when your capability to drive comes in question. They're cheap, about $40 or $50.
So in the end just be responsible. If you know you’ll be drinking all night designate a driver (DD). Always plan ahead and coordinate a ride home or carry enough cash reserves for a taxi ride. Although sometimes unreasonable and seemingly unfair these laws were designed to keep people from hurting themselves or each other. Either way it's a crappy way to end a fun night. Stay safe, stay smart, have fun and enjoy the nightlife.
SIDE BAR
As DUI laws and penalties get tougher, as well as, more strictly enforced, businesses are springing up to help save the hopeless drunk from themselves. Here are a few to keep in mind next time you think about getting behind the wheel after eight shots of Patron.
Midnight Muncheez: A late night delivery service for drunks who risk getting pulled over as they swerve their way to Del Taco for a late night snack. They can provide you with everything from aspirin and drinking games to candy and condoms, as well as, a slew of other late night muncheez. Open from 8pm-5am. 1-877-EZ-Munch
Taxi companies such as 1-800-TAXI-CAB or 1-800-4-MY-TAXI
The Party Lounge: www.partylounge.net: Boasts the largest RV Limo fleet in the West! 30 and 60 passenger busses available.
Revolution Party Bus: myspace.com/revolutionpartybus. Makes weekly trips to large events and can take you from the OC to LA and back with free entry to all the hot spots.
©2001-2008 PubDistrict Inc.